He Wasn't Nestled In A Snuggie

 He didn’t have a dream He had a plan

As of right now must of us are doing what we would normally do on a day off, sleep late, eat breakfast at lunch time, stalk our exes on Facebook and watch re-runs of our favorite sitcom on television. This agenda doesn’t require much thought, effort, or physical labor. Nor is this a fantasy, an illusion, a myth, or ... a dream.

You may be thinking now, where is he going with this? I’m sure everyone reading this knows the reason we can sleep late and lounge on our couch on this blessed Monday, is because today we honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday. Last week I struggled with myself whether I wanted to post something on Dr. King and his legacy to honor his birthday. It seemed cliché, played out, and not original gentleman-ish.  I mean really, what else could I say about the man that hasn’t already been said by someone else? Then it hit me:

Dr. King didn’t have a dream... he had a plan.

For so long we have been conditioned to think that one night Dr. King fell asleep on his Queen size Sealy Posturepedic mattress and dreamt of little black children and little white children playing “Just Dance 3” on Nintendo Wii together.  I for one agree with the King, I think that Just Dance 3 is a great game and everyone should actually play it together. But that’s neither here nor there. Back to the matter at hand, Dr. Martin Luther da King Jr., wasn’t slumbering at all when his vision sprang forth.  As you may know, to dream one does not have to be laid at a restful position with his/her eyes shut. We have all been in situations at work or school laboring to stay awake in a boring class or listening to a monotone supervisor go over new details of an insurance plan. And what do we do? We let our minds wander... This, my friend is called daydreaming.

So let us review... we have established; to dream one can be asleep or awake.

 Now, let me introduce you to a third type of dreaming. The type of dreaming that elects black Presidents in America, the kind of dreaming that created the idea of the McNugget, this form of dreaming  supports equality for everyone, the type of dreaming that allows a player to take their talent to South Beach, the sort of dreaming that built the pyramids. This third category of dreaming is called: dreaming with an open mind.  

Dreaming consists of our brains imagining and processing ideas in our head... we call this, having a thought. Dr. King is best remembered for having dreamed. At that time, many of his dreams seemed highly unlikely, far-fetched and even out of this world. In a world where two black celebrities can make the world stop, and relish in awe, at the birth of their child (shout out to Baby Blue Ivy) we know nothing is impossible.    

Yes, the late great Dr. King did dream, however, we’ve grown to believe he was nestled in a Snuggie, snoozing on his loveseat, while having these miraculous visions. Dr. King and many others before and after him used their open mind to dream, implement and follow through on their thoughts, ideals, and desires.

Discoveries and ideas we have are nothing, unless we share it with someone. Until that time, it’s a well-kept secret. Today, tomorrow, and everyday after, we honor Dr. King by sharing our dreams with others, dreaming with an open mind, and bring those dreams to reality through planning and tireless effort. We all have a little bit of Dr. King in us.  Today I ask you to acknowledge the king and queen in yourself, and the majestic aura in others.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program.

I am We

At the Table

"Gather 'round party goers as if your still livin" - Slick Rick

Now that the holiday season is over, everyone has stuffed their face and fed their bellies. Break is over, school is in session, so let’s feed your mind.

A few weeks ago a college friend of mine called me after a solo lunch date at Phillipe Chow Restaurant in New York City. I could hear the distress in his voice. It wasn’t because he had food poisoning. As a matter of fact, the food was great, the drinks were tasty and the server was knowledgeable and helpful. The cause of his anguish was rooted in a deeper difficulty.

In the short span of an hour, amidst the jostling and continuous movement that is New York City, 33 East 60^th Street & Madison Ave to be exact. My good friend and fellow brother, Paul, came to a conclusion. Unsettling and disappointing as it may be, a conclusion none the less.

On the phone, Paul recounted his mid -afternoon meal with himself at this established eatery. As he sat and enjoyed his velvet chicken over white rice (which he chewed 71 times) he couldn’t help but overhear to his right, an Asian couple discussing plans to expand their franchise, while sharing a batch of spring rolls. To his left a business luncheon between two Caucasians, who are discussing ideas to strength their business strategies. And in the middle sits Paul, a black, ambitious young man at the table… alone.  He finishes the last mouthful of chicken, sips down the rest of his beverage, signs the check and he leaves.

Why are we not discussing which banking institution has the best rates for our children’s trust fund?  Why are we not devising plans to open business' that benefits the community and not just our pockets?  Why are we not at the table together?

… It’s time to eat.

I AM WE.

Look Before you Sit

Simmer down now… simmer down class. Has every one read the “Do-Now”? (haha, remember those?). Does anybody care to share what they wrote? Yes, you, super tall girl with the luxurious long hair. What is the biggest issue in the gender fairness quest? “Equal wages!?”.. No!... Anyone else…? Yes you, rotund young fellow with the skittles behind your back..  “What about better representation of women in high level management” …Dammit No!  Alright, one more... What about you young man? with the odd shaped head, who looks sort of like a young Chris Rock. … “Umm I guess …to flip the seat or not to flip!?”… “DING DING DING… That’s right!” 

The biggest issue facing men and women in their invisible war against gender equality is… the toilet seat.

                                                    

Many a men have slept on couches due to this porcelain devil. Many relationships have come to the brink of no return because; their lovers derrière was unnecessarily soiled by this ceramic water ride. I myself have been on the bad end of getting chewed out by a woman for leaving the toilet seat up. Yet, when I responded with, “I’ll put it down as long as you put it back up when you’re done”, I get looked at as if I’m speaking Mandarin Chinese. In my opinion, the most impartial solution is to leave the seat as it was last used, for men, if they were relieving themselves, this would be the up position. For women this would be the down position. It’s so obvious it makes my bladder fill up with discontent.  Excuse me while I go relieve myself.

Ok I’m back… and yes I watched my hands. Now where was I?  

I know plenty of my female friends and readers will scoff at such “preposterous” practical idea.  But I’ve watched enough reruns of Living Single, and Girlfriends to at least be able to safely explain my opinion without judgment. So listen up.  As an Original Gentleman I am empathetic with the issues facing women in this day and age: such as domestic abuse, constitutional equality, promoting diversity in the workplace, as well as ahost of other matters that often go overlooked. But on this delicate and sometimes touchy subject of bathroom etiquette is where I disconnect.

Ladies! Come on…is it that big a deal?

……………

Ok, good...you are still reading. Is it so hard to take your index finger and your thumb to lower the seat? Now I know what you are about to say. “Do you know what it feels like to realize half way thru your squat that someone didn’t put the toilet seat down and your Ass splashes at the bottom of the bowl? And I will answer. No, no I can’t say that I have. But think of me as the mediator between the sexes. Just because I’ve never had a wet bottom due to toilet bowl treachery, does not mean I can’t look at this objectively.

Hopefully everyone is familiar with the television show Martin. I would ask that you please direct your attention to the clip below; as this will make my case.  You can fast forward to the 1:55min mark or enjoy the whole clip.

Ladies, I say this with all the love and kindness that Martin did not. LOOK BEFORE YOU SIT… LOOK… THEN SIT. This should be common knowledge for any person regardless of gender. There could be a spider the size of Justin Beiber on the seat. I recall watching a show on TLC that documented a python crawling through the sewage pipes, and if it wasn’t for this woman looking before she sat, it would have been her husband telling the story and not her. The-Look-Before-Sit- Method just doesn’t apply to toilet seats. Sofas, Passenger Seats, Benches, anywhere your rump can be made to rest, warrants a look.

I hope this post doesn’t start a massive toilet upheaval. Gentleman, this does not mean you should not even attempt to place the toilet seat down ever again. If you remember, after you zip it… then please by all means flip it. Because, if you ever want some (insert the noun or verb of your choice) again, I suggest you keep our estrogen overloaded counterparts happy.

Now Ladies, if we do forget, please just count your blessings. If the only thing you can find to heckle us about on a Friday evening is the toilet seat, take a step back and think about the woman whose man doesn’t have a job, and just plays XBox all day. Or about the sister, whose boyfriend takes money out of her purse without asking. There are a lot worse out there. A LOT WORSE.

***And I realize in the amount of time it took me to create this mini rant, I could have put the toilet seat down enough times for all of next year. ****

In conclusion, this post is the result of watching Martin episodes into the wee hours of the morning. Toilet Seat Blogs. Thank you.

I am We

Marinate on This "O.G. Thought of the Week"

"Which one of the political symbols is omnipresent?"

A.               The Church

B.               Television

C.                McDonalds

D.               Satan

-SAMO (Jean Michel Basquiat)

C.C. Black

I am We

Oh Baby You! You Got What I Need!

"Every Man's Nightmare, Most Womens' Dream"

Happy Monday Everyone. I had an interesting discussion with one of my friends on Google Chat today. Coincidentally some of my best, most enlightening convos have come by way of Google Chat. I have no idea why, maybe it’s the binary code, or the html. *Shrugs* before you know it, your discussing politics, crimes, friends, love, is the grape Kool-Aid better than the red? Or, when will Snoop Dogg finally cut his hair? Etc... You know those kinds of convos.

 Todays topic is  Most  Every man’s nightmare and Every Most womens' dream. I’m talking about...(opens the envelope) PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP! AGHHH!!!!

Without going into to much detail, this friend of mine (who is of the opposite sex) , who for privacy reasons we will call ...ehh.. call her Lisa. Lisa was in a pretty shitty mood, and it was not because it was Monday morning, or because she forgot to return two movies to Redbox before 9pm.  Being the Original Gentleman that I am, I inquired, what could make a college educated, able bodied, sound minded, long hair don’t care sister with caramel brown skin in such a bad mood? 

FIVE WORDS:

Lisa: “That ni**a just wanna fuck!

AGHHHH!!!!!

Excuse my obscenity, please note that I changed and paraphrased a few words for privacy reasons as well. And by a few, I mean all.

Lisa and countless other woman, and a few men believe that platonic friendship between a homosapien man and a homosapien women can exist. Ha.

Me? I know better. Granted, there are a few exceptions to every rule. In Platonic Friendship Law 101, we not only have exceptions, but amendments, (ladies and their gay best friends), by-laws (both parties are in committed relationship) and pinky promises (staying friends despite growing differences,).

Ladies love to sight that, “Hey I have a male friend, and our friendship is platonic, and he does not even like me like that!”, finished off with a neck roll a finger snap and hip shot. 

Well excuse the hell outta me.

My friend, you are mistaken. The truth is, he did try something, you just never noticed.  If he hasn’t thought about it, at least one of his homeboy's had to ask, “Yo why you ain’t hitting that?”

Before we move on let’s take a look at the meaning of the word “platonic”. Webster defines platonic as: “ not amorous or sensual but purely spiritual”

Not amorous (loving) or sensual. Show of hands... 

How many of you have opposite sex platonic friends? 

How many of those opposite sex friends have you slept with or thought about sleeping with? 

Don’t get me wrong; it’s not all about just jiggling groins and locking lip muscles.  

For those of you with your hand still raised, 

How many of you have thought about dating, or having a future with these opposite sex friends.? For the 3 people still with their hands raised, Congratulations... you are still single.

As soon as one person acts on, thinks about, ponders, or discusses any thing more than just being “platonic” friends, then the relationship is not longer “platonic”. Once one person acknowledges any type of interest, the existence of the platonic force field no longer exists. Re- Read that again... go ahead... I’ll wait.

From that point on you are “Just Friends”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being “Just Friends”. I myself have a few  “Just Friend” females, and I’m sure my girlfriend and many other ladies have a few  “Just Friend” males. 

Please, lets’ not lie to ourselves any longer and say its platonic.  

It’s a lot to swallow (That’s what she said) ;-)   I’ll leave you guys, so that tonight’s discussion can marinate in your brains. I’m off to enjoy my midnight meal, and a few libations. Cha Cha out.

Stay tuned for tomorrow discussion, “If they’re such a Good Catch, Why Not Date Them?”

I Am We.

What Would Steve Jobs Do?

Something wrong, I hold my head, S.J. gone ...that geek dead.

Like the time you had your first kiss or where you were when you heard the King of Pop died. Everyone will always remember where  they were or what they were doing the Master of the Mac went to that ride on Processor Highway up to the big CPU in the sky.

What was that? Where was I you ask?

Good question. I was actually perusing the internet, on a slim and sleek Mac Book Pro, searching for accent pillows for my couch to match the color of  the walls in my living room ( Yes this O.G. watches H.G.T.V).  Then I stumbled across the headline “Apple Co-founder dies at 56”  The funny part is ...I don’t own a Mac. This just goes to show how successful Steve Jobs was at intergrating Apple into every facet of our lives.

There are plenty of things worth remembering about Steve Jobs. But probably the one most worth noting is that Jobs gave us the authority to design and control our own shit.

In our Age thinking for yourself is considered odd or a mistake. We constantly reinforce the need to fit into a bottle. Much of our instinctive creativity that we are born with is stifled. We start our dreaming, pretending and creating; and end up crunching numbers making up excuses and taking half hour lunch breaks. Amongst the stress from our professors, bosses, and even family members, many of us throw in the towel in search of our meaning and purpose in life. Because we like to follow the herd. Fuck that. And after some time, some of  us start  to doubt that we actually have something unique to offer the world  

When we try and measure ourselves by others standards; Its like the kid in the Volkswagen commercial wacking at the pinata with all his might and not even putting a dent in the damn thing. (c'mon you know the advertisement I'm talking about).. but its pointless..

Some time after Jobs 30^th birthday, Apple relieved him of his duties as CEO. Upon his return Job initiated an ad campaign that pretty much sums up his belief and approach to life. 

So lets give three cheers for the guy that taught us not to conform to what others think. Figure out your own importance to this world and find a way to make a difference.

I am We.